Roll Job

I know I probably should not blog about this, but here I go anyway.

Did any of you see the roll job the Hewitt Trussville Class of 2007 pulled off Sunday night and Monday morning in front of the high school and for two miles past the school on Trussville Clay Road? I know this is class custom, and that the graduating seniors do it each year. But I believe this is the best roll job I have ever witnessed since I lived in Birmingham.

When I drove through there Monday morning heading to my morning run there were still a few seniors out in their cars and trucks finishing the job. I measured the roll job for three miles. There were hundreds of rolls of toilet paper everywhere. It was such a good job my car had toilet paper dangling from the antenna after driving through the maze.

If you have not seen it, you must make that drive sometime today before the rain comes and turns it into an unsightly mess. That is, messier than what it already is.

I know it will be a pain in the whazoo for the neighbors to clean up, but you still have to give the students credit. They did it right. It was a professional job.

While running I reflected on some past roll jobs from my life. My best effort occurred when I was the Student Minister at Temple Baptist. On the week we welcomed our new pastor, Dr. Gary Berry, I decided to greet him with a welcome gift.

Some of the staff members were already intimidated by Dr. Berry. He was a quiet and very serious man. In order to break through his serious side I decided to roll his office.

The night before the first staff meeting with our staff, I invited three favorite students of mine—two of whom are now pastors—to meet me at his office in order to roll it. And roll it, we did. We creamed his office. We rolled everything—his desk, his chair, all of the furniture. We stuck roll after roll of paper through his ceiling tile. We rolled his paintings. We rolled his trash can. We rolled everything in his office. We even rolled his closet.

The next morning the secretaries were astonished. They could not believe someone would do this to our new pastor. How audacious. My secretary buzzed me about mid-morning. (That was the time I usually arrived at the office). She informed me that Dr. Berry and the Executive Pastor wanted to see me in his office. I honestly thought that was my last day of employment at Temple Baptist.

When I looked through his office door, I could not help but giggle deep down inside. I could hear the two men conversing but I could not see them. They moved some of the toilet paper to the side and motioned for me to step in the room. With a look of consternation on his face, Dr. Berry said, with his mouth grimacing like Clint Eastwood’s, “Brother (long pause, very long pause), this is the greatest roll job I have ever seen!”With that I gave myself a standing ovation. Everyone else gasped with a sigh of relief. Perhaps I was not going to lose my job. My new boss just gave me kudos for trashing his office.

After everyone settled down from the nervous laughter, Dr. Berry added, “You have one hour to get this office clean. And you cannot ask any of the janitors to help you.”

One hour later his office was spotless.

Wow, what a memory.

Now you know why I thought the class of 2007 did a great job rolling the roadway.

A few summers ago my children jumped into the fray rolling yards. They thought it was fun until our yard started to get creamed every weekend. One particular weekend it was rolled twice—once on Friday and again on Saturday. One of my more astute neighbors asked, “Ryan, whatever you are preaching sure ain’t settling too well at CrossPoint.”

And here is the conclusion to today’s blog—rolling yards (and offices) is fun stuff, until it comes home to your own yard.

By the way, Dr. Berry said he found toilet paper in his office for several weeks even after I cleaned. The best moment was when a piece of T.P. dropped from the ceiling during a counseling session.

I know this is not a very spiritual blog today, but I thought we needed a break from the serious subjects I had been hitting lately.

Let me know what you think of the roll job. Feel free also to share your prized attempt at rolling.